Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”
It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.
And I got angry.
Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”
Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)
If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.
Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be keptinterested, because he knows you are interesting:
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.
I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.
In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:
Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.
Your eternally interested guy,
Happy International Women’s Day
Gotta reblog this every time I see this. True.
Beautiful images of Namibian men and women with their children and grandchildren. These images were taken in shanty towns in and around the capital, Windhoek. I found them by divine chance soon after I found out about the insanity of Emoya Shanty Towns.
The photographer, Jacob Holdt has collected some very interesting images of Namibians in his travels there which I recommend. I chose these because (for me) they show the joy of life held up by us despite our circumstances.
Between the seventh and twelfth centuries, the term yogini referred to both fierce flying goddesses and the mortal women who became those deities. This voluptuous yogini is a four-armed goddess. Sitting on an owl and brandishing a sword, she inserts two fingers into the corners of her open mouth, bares her teeth, and emits a piercing whistle. She may have been one of those yoginis whose name roughly translates as “she who makes a loud nose.”
See more in Yoga: The Art of Transformation, on view now. You can even check it out for just $10 on Thursday nights from 5-9 pm.
"Pac was probably one of the first male figures that I had in my life that saw the beauty and the talent and my intelligence separated from sex.
That’s something that a young girl usually gets from their father. I didn’t have that. Pac was the first one, that it wasn’t about sex. It was about you, you are a beautiful woman, you’re talented, you’re strong, I respect you and you are my girl.
You’re gonna sit right here and I’ma protect you, and I’ma make sure, if nothing else, you get what you need, and that’s what our relationship was like.”
- Jada Pinkett-Smith (Arsenio Hall Show)